The Artist's Way - Week 2: What Have I Learned?

The first thing I learned is that I'm having a hard time with the Artist Date that I'm supposed to be going on one once a week. The Artist Date is supposed to be a "block of time...especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness." According to Julia Cameron, it's a way to open myself up to "insight, inspiration, and guidance." So, why am I having such a hard time with it? Why am I having trouble setting aside one or two hours for myself to do things that are fun? Probably because I haven't had the opportunity to do that for, oh, about fifteen years. That's about when I decided to commit myself to writing and every spare moment I got away from my day job and my kids I spent writing. So, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that when I have those spare moments I immediately think I should be sitting in front of a computer working on a story, and if I'm not doing that I begin to feel anxious. That's what happened to me last night when I was supposed to be on my Artist Date. First, I tried to play video games, something that I recently heard actually helps you become more creative. Unfortunately, I have a very limited supply of video games, most of which were supplied to me by my old neighbour when he moved overseas. Many of them were first-person shooter games, which are all the rage with the kids these days. And when I say kids, I mean everyone. The problem is, I get motion sick when I play those games and that's what happened last night. I was trying my best to have fun, trying to get into this shoot 'em up style game, when really all I wanted to do was upchuck. After about five minutes I turned it off and decided to watch a movie instead. I also recently read that watching movies helps you focus. I booted up Netflix and picked a superhero movie I heard was really great. I quickly realized it wasn't so great. After 30 minutes of really trying to like it, I gave up and turned it off. That's when the anxiety really kicked in. I suddenly realized I'd spent my night doing things I didn't enjoy, when I could have (should have) been finishing up a story I've been working on. There I was, anxious and annoyed that things hadn't worked out and feeling guilty about not writing. I don't think the problem is with the idea of the Artist Date, that actually sounds like a colic concept, I think the problem lies inside me. I need to relax and find a few things I like to do in my spare time that doesn't involve writing. Or do I?